In Awe 21-Day Challenge – Day 2

My past is a gift. It has made me who I am today. The things I have gone through: abuse, abandonment, and divorce have made me so much stronger as a female and a believer in Christ. I know these things were hard to experience and go through at the time, but I have no fear or shame in hiding them… these events within my past have made me the mom, the friend, the leader within my company that I am. I am blessed.

Wow! I got nothing, but I’m certainly inspired to do better.

I often am not as out spoken as others, and I feel like should I say something just because others seem to have an opinion, but I like to listen to all perspectives or those presented and then decide where I land. I like to observe, listen, understand and then participate and engage. This non-reactive sense has proven helpful, though I need to continue to practice this with my kids (and husband) daily.

I choose to accept that I have a stong character and allow my temper to take over, especially when my team does not perform the way I know they can.

I always covered up my face with makeup before going out to hide the bags and sometimes darkish circles, and occasionally I have gone out without any makeup but always felt ugly. As I am working on getting healthier and fitter, I am not concerned about going out now as I know my inner self is getting more beautiful every day.

My skin- having acne as a teenager really affected my confidence and I used to apply the thickest foundation to cover it up and hide it from the world making me appear more beautiful and confident. As I have gotten older I have accepted myself for who I am and I am not afraid now to go natural and not wear make up. My skin will never be perfect but what is perfection anyway.

I always so myself not very beautiful because of my chic. I haven’t nice teeth too.
Now I want to accept my appearance, my jaw.
It is very important to me to look beautiful. I understand that I am pretty now, so I don’t want to be change myself anymore

I am an upbeat, optimistic person, but a lot of things happening lately – personally, at work and in the world at large – have really rattled me. I’m known for my smile and my laugh, but I felt like I was crying every day at some point for most of March and April. Somewhere around the 2nd or 3rd week of work from home, I decided if I felt like crying, I would just cry it out. I discovered others had been doing the same – struggling with trying to keep a smile on their face for their Zoom meeting, or for their kids or spouse. I accepted that sometimes I’m going to feel the feelings, and there will be salt water involved! I’ve accepted that the feelings come and go – and I’m still basically optimistic me.

I have a large scar on my head, from having two brain surgeries. In the beginning, I learned, that when it was visible, people reacted strange and rude to it. So, I kept it covered. Now, I am not afraid to have it show. I do not always do this, but if it is visible, I am okay with it. I have learned how to appropriately respond, if anyone reacts strangely as well. I have accepted this part of who I am now.

I am learning that it is ok to be me. I am not glamorous or a model but I am a beautiful person with a big heart. I am giving, sometimes to the detriment of my self so I am learning to set boundaries and accept that it is ok to say no and be ok with that.

I’ve always hated wearing glasses and the way I look in them. When I was a senior in high school, I jumped at the opportunity to wear contacts. Almost 40 years later, even when I wear multi-focal contacts, I now need reading glasses for small print. So today I’m choosing to be thankful for my eye impairment and the ability to wear readily available glasses so I can see clearly. And my prayer is that God gives me lenses to view people and circumstances as He does. John’s first book, On Fire, has challenged me to see things differently. Just this week I was talking with my 3 teenage sons about choosing self-acceptance and asking them to share what makes them unique – the things about themselves they like and that they don’t – and challenging them to embrace, learn from and celebrate who they are as God continues to use their gifts and life experiences for our good and His glory if we allow Him to.

I’ve always hid my feelings of not being enough. I’ve always felt not good enough as a parent, wife, friend, daughter, sister, not smart enough,not kind enough. I’ve hid those feelings all these years. The one blessing I’ve found through out all those feelings is that I’ve built a close relationship with God. I’ve learned to turn to Him when I feel like that. I’m learning to accept His humbling message for me.

I have hidden my vulnerability with a mask of not needing anyone. I found out last year that the world didn’t stop when I let someone in. So I try to be grateful of the part of me that needs help

Day 1 of 21 Day IN AWE challenge – My greatest adversity today is a lack of money – and this challenge really did force me to look at how that inspires me and that I am grateful for it. I am grateful for the stimulus check so I can help stimulate the economy – grateful for leaving my job when i did – I got my full payout which they do not do any longer & now I am part of a team that is helping the world continue now in these trying times – I am grateful that we have enough money to have 2 vehicles and that an accident didnt force us to go buy new – LacK of money has also got my spouse and i cooking together again instead of just running through a drivethru everynite — And I am grateful that this gives me a chance to refocus on the important things.

I have worked to hide my anxiety in the past and still do now. I tell family and friends that all is great when that may not be the case. I don’t want to unload on them or give them more information than they bargained for when they asked, “How are you doing?” However, after reflecting on how I have dealt with this over the years, I realize the importance of not hiding it, but focusing on the good that is happening and reaching out to my sister or talking with my husband. Keeping it all inside has proven not to work well in the past.

I’m not sure how to view this as a gift yet, but when I look at myself, I see someone who is almost always very restrained. My wife says that I was born 40. I take life too seriously and struggle to let my inner child free. I have and continue to strive to take the chains off and be free and open for others to see my vulnerabilities but definitely still a work in progress. The gift today is that I see it and acknowledge it publicly.

I had a feeling of being left out due to that so many of my friends and people in my school came from a wealthy background. It made me shy away from doing things, like trying out for cheerleading ,etc. I am conscious of that today and I encourage my students now in high school to try out and do things in high school. I feel like we have an equal opportunity in my small school environment. I believe I became a high school counselor to share and encourage others, since that was a hard time for me.

I see flaws and memories come back to me looking in the mirror. The biggest lately is that I’ve either given up on things in my past and I see that it’s time that I get back on it as I see how much time has gone by and I’ve not believed in myself enough to push through. Many things are pointing to me that I need to and want to keep working towards some dreams and goals. One BIG thing with the lock-in that we all see to be on, is that I’ve had not only the time to think about it, but the time to move forward on things…. all from the man in the mirror. 😉

This is difficult. Admitting things “out loud” make it seem very real and bring up some sad memories. It’s still not something I am comfortable in addressing. It’s a process. Growing up the oldest of five kids in a small house was no big deal but being a teenager with a mom, who was brilliant but bipolar was really tough. It wasn’t easy to explain why my mom was always yelling, why her moods changed at the drop of a hat, why she was frequently hospitalized, why I had to take care of the younger kids, not being able to fully engage in the “normal” process of being a kid and why she would hit first and ask questions later. In reflection, I gained many skills that I treasure today. I hold dear the bond I have with my siblings. I appreciate my positive attitude and know the person I am today is a result of my early experiences. Not easy, not fun, but part of the foundation of the person I have become and I like that person very much.