What Kind of Friend Are You?

Even showing up in small ways can make a profound difference.

“Sometimes showing up is all it takes to make a difference.” -Unknown

On the afternoon of May 20, several thousand St. Louis University graduates would receive their diplomas. Thousands of parents, siblings and loved ones would fill an arena cheering for them. Everyone in the arena excitedly looking forward to this day they’ve worked a lifetime to achieve.  Everyone except one: The commencement speaker.

Although I’ve delivered thousands of keynotes, each time I deal with a bit of anxiety and self-doubt. Leading up to the day of the commencement address, those fears were almost debilitating.

And yet at 6:14am that day while pacing in my living room, the anxiety and self-doubt faded. A single text message showed up and transformed my anxiety into peace and my fear into gratitude. Let me explain.

Earlier in 2023, I had met my dear friend Matt Evans for lunch.  At the end of our time together, Matt asked genuinely what he could do for me.

I shared that although rooted in my faith, I wanted to be more intentional in reading scripture each morning. I asked if he had anything he did that might help me remain more committed.

The following day Matt sent me an early morning text that included a section of scripture, a simple challenge at the end and the assurance that we were doing this together. He followed with another message on day 2, and then again on day 3, and again the following day.

While anxiously pacing the house on the morning of May 20, I received my 85th consecutive message from Matt. He hadn’t missed a single day; because of his consistency, neither had I.

On this particular morning, Matt had no idea that I would be delivering a commencement address later that day. He had no idea that I felt terrible anxiety and didn’t feel worthy of presenting to thousands of graduates and their families. And he had no idea the impact his message would have on me.

The text began with these words: “Father, I pray for John. Give him strength where he is weak, give him the courage to reach out when he is weak and give him the fortitude to use his platform not for selfishness, but for You.”  He then included that day’s reading: Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me…..

In May of 1987, a little boy named John O’Leary was sent home after surviving a seemingly fatal fire. To celebrate not only my life, but the entire community that came together to support that recovery, we hosted a service at our church. The church was packed with friends, family, and well-wishers. It was a night filled with joy, tears and rocking gospel music.

About halfway through the service, I was helped from my wheelchair by Dad. Still frail and barely able to walk, Dad guided me up two steps, onto an altar, and over to a microphone. He then stood behind me as I read, in a very high-pitched voice, one section from scripture.

Psalm 23.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me…..

It’s what I still read when I face anxieties and fears.

And on the morning of May 20, focusing on my insecurities, my commencement address, my need to elevate these students, my need — even still — to prove myself, a friend showed up reminding me to turn away from those anxieties and to keep the faith.

Without knowing it, Matt helped me let go of anxieties, shifted my focus, and convicted me again that the best is yet to come.

And as of today, Matt Evans has greeted me for 237 consecutive days with scripture and kindness.

A real friend strives to remind us that we have value, are not alone and can do mighty things together that we may fail doing all by ourselves.

Thank God for friends like Matt.  And for the opportunity for each of us to be that kind of friend for others.

This is your day.  Live Inspired.

Much like my coming home celebration in 1987, we’re hosting another party full of joy, tears, story, heart, and music on November 25. Join us at On Fire For Good and be reminded of our ability to positively change the world- starting with our own. Learn more and get your tickets here!