The Awesomeness of our Scars

A picture from the set of On Fire the Film reminds John of the power in his scars.

“The scars exist because the wounds have healed.” -Henri Nouwen

At the conclusion of filming On Fire the film, my bride Beth meticulously collected and arranged more than 100 photos from the months scouting locations, walking onto sets, predawn staff meetings and late evening crew wraps.

She included photos capturing the emotions of shooting specific scenes: the fear on the day of the fire, the struggle of learning to walk in the hospital, the joy of coming home after five months, the elation of a first kiss and the agony of a final goodbye.

Paging through this photo album recently with my niece, Lottie, brought back all the memories of filming On Fire. It was, however, a picture I had spent little time contemplating that my niece most wanted to talk about. Why it caught her attention, and more importantly what she said about it, might elevate how you view things today.  Let me explain.

As an uncle, you’re of course not supposed to have favorites, but little Lottie makes neutrality extremely difficult. As this precious five-year-old and I sat at the kitchen table flipping through the pages of pictures she asked about each one. Who’s this? Is that a real firetruck? Why is she wearing a wedding dress? Is your dog in the movie?

Then we turned to the photo above.

Lottie stopped asking questions or flipping pages. Instead, she stared for a bit before slowly tracing the man in the photo. She tracked with her index finger up his arms, over his head, down the beard, and ultimately made little circles with her finger around his hands.

“Wow….”  She said slowly and emphatically.

I began imagining how she would finish this sentence and waited in suspense as she slowly completed her thought: “He’s got awesome hands, too!”

The “awesome hands” she was complimenting were made by Justin Fears for On Fire. He was part of our creative team for the film and is now one of my friends. Justin did a masterful job crafting replicas of my hands for our actor to utilize in the film. The first time I saw them, I felt as if I was looking into a mirror and was amazed at how real to life and accurate they were.

But “accurate” didn’t used to mean “awesome” for me.

After getting burned and having my fingers amputated, I spent years crossing my arms to hide those hands. Most pictures of me from my childhood after the fire show a little guy smiling broadly, with hands either deftly hidden in his pockets or intentionally resting behind his back.  For me, “awesome” wasn’t what I saw looking at those hands.  I saw something broken and damaged. I saw something, in other words, that I wished would disappear.

With time, reflection, grace and experience, however, I’ve embraced the brokenness and recognized the opportunity my scars provide to connect with others.

Rather than representing all I lost, these hands now embody all we overcame, the things we can still do, and the stunning miracle of having such a tragic event remind others of the beauty present within their own lives.

Turns out the great spiritual writer Henri Nouwen is right: Our scars exist because the wounds have healed.

Sometimes it just takes a five-year-old to see it that way.

Today is your day.  Live Inspired.