Finding the Right Words

What children can teach us about comforting others

Last weekend, I attended the funeral of a dear family friend. Her life was an example of living joyfully, loving family passionately and serving others unfailingly. As emotional as the service, music and eulogy were, it was a tender moment between two of her grandchildren that brought me to tears. Let me explain.

As the service began and the music filled the church, one of the granddaughters, 13, became overwhelmed with sadness. She put her hands over her face, bowed her head, and began weeping.

To her side, another grandchild, just eight, looked up and saw his cousin crying. The little boy pulled his left hand from his sport jacket pocket, put it around his cousin and pulled her close to him.

No words were exchanged.

None had to be.

A simple sign of loving solidarity liberated the young girl to know it was ok to cry, she was not alone and there was another who would shoulder the sorrow with her.

Observing this from a few rows back, tears ran down my cheeks. It wasn’t just the raw emotion within that moment, but also the reminder of numerous similar moments in my own life.

After the death of a dear friend in college, I held all my sadness in, refusing to believe Mark, a bastion of joyful life, could possibly be dead. But as the final song began playing at the funeral and they rolled my friend’s casket out of the church, I began weeping uncontrollably. A dear friend from grade school, Chris, pulled me in, held me tight and didn’t say a word.

A few years later my grandfather died unexpectedly. He was my Tuesday lunch partner, my confidant and my hero. Leaving his bedside, gutted by his death, I stumbled into the hallway and cried. My fiancé, Beth, didn’t say a word. She just held me.

Spending three years as a chaplain at a children’s hospital, I was invited into the room of strangers at the most agonizing moment in their lives. Whether an unexpected diagnosis or the unbearable loss of a child, there was not a single time when my words comforted a family. But I was told by countless families afterward that my mere presence in the room made a significant impact for them in their time of need.

We live in a world that confuses speaking with caring, bravado with courage,  intellect with wisdom, and busyness with progress. Where snarky posts on social media go viral, brashness in our leaders is celebrated and quick fixes are expected for everything.

But in the loving embrace between two children at their grandmother’s funeral, we have evidence of what real leadership, real healing and real love looks like in action.

A person to lean on. A shoulder to cry on. A friend to rely on.

In our divided, cynical and fast-paced world, slow down long enough to not only pay attention to the struggles of others, but to be courageous enough to pull them in close and silently walk through those struggles with them.

This is your day. Live Inspired.