Toxic positivity is not the same as being grateful in the midst of challenges.
“Stop thinking of gratitude as a byproduct of your circumstances and start thinking of it as a world view.” -B. Robles
Toxic positivity.
It’s a term commonly used when someone invalidates negative emotions or expects unrealistic optimism from others.
Undoubtedly, we need to hold space for grief, anger, and sadness. And yet, a woman several years ago provided a beautiful, practical and powerful example not of living in toxic positivity, but of choosing gratitude even in the midst of the storm. Let me explain.
Speaking with the leadership team from a large hospital system, one of the sessions focused on the power of gratitude. We discussed why it matters, what it looks like in action, and the impact it has on both the practitioner and those they serve.
As we reached the point in the presentation where we took questions from participants, a hand went up in the back and a gentleman asked, “How can we be grateful when life is hard, resources are scarce and everything around us is in chaos?”
One leader, seated near the back, raised her hand, haltingly stood, and shared that gratitude had made a profound and unexpected difference in her life during a time of turmoil. The following is what Janet said:
“As some of you may know, last August, my fiancé was cutting the grass when he ran over a beehive, was stung a dozen times, and rushed to our hospital. Although everyone here did all they could, he died four days later due to his allergic reaction.” She nervously, tearfully added quickly, “Oh, but that’s not why I am grateful. I am grateful because of what’s happened since.”
Janet went on: “I am grateful to have received so much love and kindness from others, to have revived my faith life, to have had the ability to spend time rediscovering who I am, and to have made a difference since. You see, I desperately needed a group to share and grieve with – and since there wasn’t any in town, I started one. We now meet once a month– and 25 people come. My loss has served as hope for others. I am grateful for that.”
I asked Janet how she continues so boldly and optimistically after such a massive loss.
She shared that while making funeral plans for Gunnar (her fiancé and best friend) she read about someone who wrote one thank you letter every day and the massive impact the act had on the author’s life. So, for a full year, Janet did that exact same thing.
“Every day I write a thank you letter to someone who has done something kind for me and positively touched my life. It could be a patient, a friend, the guy who pumps my gas, the lady in the cafeteria, whoever. You see, it forces me to look for goodness each day in others, to celebrate it when I see it (and I ALWAYS see it!), and then to thank them for it.”
Janet concluded by sharing that her pain remains agonizingly real, but in light of all the gifts she encounters each day, she feels extraordinarily blessed.
She sat down. And a room of peers stood and applauded.
My friends, happiness, joy, and gratitude are not achieved, but revealed. They don’t appear when our surroundings are perfect, our bank statements are ideal, or our circumstances are pain free. Instead, they appear when the eyes we choose to view our world with shift from focusing on all we don’t have to the beauty, gifts and life we still do.
No, it won’t eradicate the struggles of the past or the adversity of today. Instead, it provides a clear perspective of the gifts that remain, the confidence to move forward and the convicted belief that the best is yet to come.
There’s nothing toxic about that.
Today is your day. Live Inspired.
8 replies on “Are You Choosing Gratitude?”
My husband I and will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary on Nov 26. Our marriage, not unlike many, has had many ups and downs. From the start, my 2-year old son from my previous marriage died suddenly 5 days after we were married. So our anniversaries have been bittersweet as a constant reminder of the loss. Through that experience I’ve learned to look for the good even in the most tragic circumstances. Tome’s death inspired me to turn my test into a testimony to help others. That has fueled my gratitude for being able to be a light when others are experiencing darkness. Thank you, Janet, for the reminder by sharing your light. You are blessed and you are a blessing!
My wife of 22 years left me and took my children it has been heart wrenching everyday to live without them. But God came and crushed my heart of stone replacing it with one of flesh desiring to serve Him forever more. What you say here is much like what I’ve seen. No my wife and kids aren’t back, but I’ve learned to praise God in tr he storm. Don’t wait for it to be over. He deserves praise for all He does daily. He sends people in with an encouraging smile, or a blessing word. He let’s us read something that strengthens us, or just sends His calm loving presence when we are alone. Gathering together with others is an amazing way to heal, but not always possible. We can still look for th÷ bri%html Ray’s of sunshine while we are trudging through the mud of grief, pain, and loss. May we all be encouraged by stories like the one you shared today. Thank you.
Yesterday was the one-year mark of losing my spouse of 31 years who I have known for 48 years at the time of his passing. I spent the day with a family that is part of my “bubble” or community as I call it. There were some tears, however there was mostly joy and happiness for the events of the last week with the now adult children. One became engaged and the youngest is going on a church mission. Tons of family and friends! I reflected how far I have come in learning who I am now, how much I can do, how much my sweetheart taught me that I depend on while keeping up the yard and fixing things, and how blessed I am for my bubble as many reached out to make sure I wasn’t alone. It’s a wonderful blessing to have so much…I am truly grateful.
Please tell “Janet” if you ever see her again, how she has made an impact on those she doesn’t even know. I love the idea of writing a thank you message every day. Though I may not be able to send them all (patient’s I’ve cared for in the past 34 years), what a profound way of saying “thank you” even through life’s storms. Thank you for sharing another powerful message, John.
I found Janet’s story so inspiring; it reminds me to be grateful even in the midst of the challenges I’m currently facing. What a powerful way to start my week—with gratitude for everything I’m learning and experiencing in this present moment.
So agree! My husband is in memory care now, so life has changed very much for us both. However, the kindness and support of family & friends has given me such a thankful heart.
So true! Thanks for sharing!
I love the idea of writing a thank you letter a day, but might have to do one per week. Even one per week would be so many more than I do now and I think that I’ll try it. I always had my kids and now grands write a thank you card on Thanksgiving Day. It had to represent real feelings and it has always been an encouragement to me as well as those who received them.